I’m afraid to walk home in the dark,
afraid to walk home alone
there’s street lights hanging over my head
but I can’t shake the dread 
that’s following me 
My head and heart always disagree 
My own logic flies out the window 
And I’m walking on egg shells standing on tiptoes 
having to peer over my shoulder in fear of being followed 
In fear of being stared at 
Then there’s that awful feeling in my chest
that I’m all too familiar with

Walking alone 101
These rules might be easier said than done 
Rule 1 I ring my friends on my phone if I have to walk alone 
Rule 2 I never have my music too loud must be aware of what surrounds
Rule 3 I always stay where there’s light, my keys ready in hand when I’m on my own at night

I avoid walking in the dark in general 
Weary of every shape, every shadow, the snap of a twig is enough to send me into a panic. I don’t want to feel this frantic.
I should be able to walk home on my own,
I should be able to walk home

And the face in the mirror isn’t mine,
I can’t recognise her anymore,
fixating on every line,
every pore,
every spot,
every imperfection.
I feel like a shell. 
I don’t know when I stopped being a carefree child,
blissfully unaware of the scrutiny of the modern world 
I wish I could go back, I feel like I’ve betrayed that version of my past self

Photos lined with dusk on a wooden shelf 
Enough to bring tears to my eyes 
Enough to make me wonder
“When did that smile fade away?”

I have a need to be special,
a desire to be different 
To break the mould I feel so tightly encapsulated in 
It’s sticking to my skin,
clawing at my eyes scratching at my throat till I feel like I’m choking 
Tracing my fingertips over my veins to ensure that I’m still alive 
Not sure why I have such a hard time
accepting the fact that I have a human body 
A human body,
something so unique to me specifically,
a prison of flesh my conscience is trapped in, I’m 70 percent water about 8 pints of blood .
206 bones
10 fingers
10 toes.

I wonder when I first reached
out in my mothers womb
my own prenatal tomb
that etched fingerprints to my skin 
If when she felt the first kick, was she aware 
Of the burden of femininity that her daughter will bear
Why does my gender feel like a burden? 
I’m simply trying to exist in a world that’s trying to kill me,
a world that’s rooted against me,
that will tear me down and
leave me to pick myself up only to tear me down again . 
And I’m still afraid to walk alone 
A fear to girls that’s all to know 
Why is the world trying to kill me 
Why is the world trying to kill us 
If simply existing is enough to do everything wrong 
Femininity is a blessing that makes us strong 
Even if the world tries to make us feel small 
My gender should not be a burden 
My gender should not be a burden